I have been really sick the past month. I am doing better, but I am still struggling. It's the kind of sick that seems to seep all the way into your bones and consume all of your reserves.
I'm going to need surgery. I'm scared. It is a surgery that I never wanted to have. We do not have health insurance and have really struggled, trying to get insurance, ever since we lost it 5 years ago. We had no idea how we were going to pay for all of this, but we know that I need this surgery.
On top of the surgery, I will also need monthly injections until the surgery can be done, likely within the next 3-6 months, after we find out how my body will respond. The shots are very costly. The funds just aren't there.
Those of you that know us best, know that it has been a very rough 5 years full frequent, intense trials mixed in with God's tender mercies.
Despite our best efforts, we were starting to feel overwhelmed and somewhat abandoned by God. Couldn't he hear our desperate pleas for help? The trials He's asked us to walk through have gone on for so long. We're trying so desperately to keep on keeping on with a smile on our face.
BUT our family strongly believes in doing all that you can for yourself, and unfortunately this wasn't going to fix itself, so we immediately put things in motion to start raising some of the required funds that we were going to need. It was really difficult. I was so sick and my sweet husband had to pick up what I couldn't do. He was exhausted too, working very late into the night each night.
Then just when we didn't know how to keep going, even though giving up was never an option, God stepped in.
Our dear sweet friends and family heard that our family was in distress and started showing up at our door. Purchasing our meager offerings.
Friends and family gave more than what was owed for the little Christmas goodies that they bought. Some stopped in, just to donate funds, others sent checks, all to go towards the treatment, surgery and ER bills.
Other friends made meals for our family. They watched our children. Some friends stopped in, just to see how I was doing and lift our spirits. They totally lied to me about how awful I looked, when they saw me. Even though from their initial reaction on their face, I knew I looked horrible. And some little elves bought our children's wight in candy, to fill their stockings with.
Some friends laughed with me and some friends cried with me. Some laughed at me because of my reaction to the meds I was on. No one judged my less than perfect house. And a friend even made ginger bread houses with my kids. My dear sister in-law took over finishing a Christmas present, that wasn't going to be done in time, and I hadn't been able to work on it at all. Our family was even adopted for Christmas by amazing people that cared about our family.
We were surrounded by love. Unspeakable gratitude leaked from our eyes. God had not forgotten our us. He was still aware of our "little" family. We were surrounded by angels in the form of our friends and family, people that we hold so dear; loved ones that are going through hard times of their own. Hope was renewed within the walls of our home. Christmas excitement and magic abounded.
We still have hard stuff ahead of us. But we know, somehow, it's all going to be alright. And in the stillness and quietness of the night, you can almost hear the quiet words of the Savior, "In all the times when you saw only one set of footprints in the sand, it was then that I carried you...."
There are not adequate words to express our family's appreciation for all the help, love, friendship, and fellowship that you have sent our family's way. I hope that you will call upon us, if ever you are in a time of need, that we may return the blessings back to you. May God hold and keep you and your loved ones in the palm of his hand. Merry Christmas!!!
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